Feelings And Thoughts

Iv not had a drink for 3 days but im already begging to feel the change, and i want this to happen to me, iv wanted to change , iv wanted my miracle to happen to me and i thought it would happen all on its own, but i realised that things never happen without you putting in the effort and i have finally realised that these things that i want will never happen if i don't change, so that's the real reason why i have taken my Vow, because if i don't put any effort in then nothing will happen and nothing will change or be like how i want them to be, and that will mean that i will never be happy and i cant live like that.

I sit and think alot about what i really want out of life, i keep thinking about that little house somewhere with three kids and a wife, she'll never let me name any of the kids, not with the names id pick but i wont mind, id like 2 boys and a girl that would be nice. id like the house to be detached away from others not to far away tho but far enough. id like both me and my wife to work, id be happy to do anything for a job so long as i made her happy always. i have these ideas when i am awake and when im asleep, always when im sober, i know what i want to get out of this life, that's why i have made this choice to grow up finally, as much as i would love to be a child forever not caring about anything, i have found out that my heart cant do it, my head may have fort i could never grow up, but my heart has decided its time that it showed its self instead of letting the rest of me ruin who i am really. With all my Love to you who read this.

+++Why is it that the unhappiness of not having someone to look afteryou and hold you are the times when we most need someone to look after us and hold us?+++