The Laying Down Of The Sword

You know what iv had it, im finely laying down my battle blade, iv tried to defend my best friend and one of the most important people in my life for too long now and when you try and look out for someones back and they dont give two shakes of a shite covered stick about talking to you then they are not your friend, right???

Iv spent so long trying to look out for someone else's back when you should never look out for anyone but yourself as otherwise then you just get hurt buy the person you are trying to help, my best advice to anyone is that if you have been a traitor then anyone worse than you is not even worth the air you breath.

+++ Death Is Only The Beginning +++

Just A Few Tears More

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful

Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart

And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears

And when she was happy, so was i, when she loved me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all

Just she and I together, like it was meant to be

And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her

And I knew that she loved me.

So the years went by, I stayed the same

And she began to drift away, I was left alone

Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "i will always love you."

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,

She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,

Like she loved me, when she loved me

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,

Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart

When she loved me.

I heard this song at its crumbled me down into a very bad place,

too much more reckless damage like that and i think my body will

just give up on me, although that might be the aim of my heart.

+++ Never Break Something That Isn't Yours, Not Everything Can Be Fixed +++

My Last Serenade

Well this week has not gone quite to my life's overall plan, tho why i ever expect a week to go to plan i don't know. Thursday seem like any normal day, i woke up chilled out, hung out with the house mates watched some films with them and went to the pub for some bingo and to chill on my own for a while, standard template day if im honest. It comes to the end of the night and iv been watching all of the people in the pub all night, and it started to make me think about my life, i hadn't actually had alot to drink this time, because i can second guess nearly every movement that 3/4 of the people that walked through the front door would do, how piss simple it was to guess the actions of creatures that are meant to be so complex, then i thought what if i am so easy to predict has my life become so monotonous that i can be guessed at every move i make?? When i left i decided to take a slightly longer route home as i wanted to think a bit more, i realized that my life has grown stagnant and that iv lost the adventure that i used to enjoy about it, but worst of all i realized i was getting very bored of life, by this point im at home and the depression had really kicked in so i was drinking to take the edge of it, i started to think that if my life is a pattern like what i guess about others then all that will happen is that i will be walking an inevitable path to a boring and very lonely death, i mean iv already lost most of the people who are not family who ever truly gave a dam about me and all of that was from not changing my ways and the way i act, well now that i have changed everything and people can see that but i will still be punished for the sins have done in the past as opposed to the person i am now, so because of the vindictive nature of the forsaken human race i can never escape from who i was in the past and as such my future is still the same pathetic path that my past has been which just means i can guess where my future leads too, it still leads to a very lonely feeling a dead heart and the feeling of massive depression every waking moment, and to be fair id rather be dead than go on like that, at this point in time i would actually like to say thank god for the effects of drink, i was sat next to the kitchen (room full of pointy implements) but i thought it best to go to my own room to find pointy things, second saving grace of drink, i tripped up the stairs, which made me think that maybe everything i was thinking was drunken ranting at myself, third saving fact of drink, i didn't bother to look at my watch i just knocked on Sarah's door and woke her up for a chat. for the first time ever booze saved me from going one step to far on the carving myself up idea.

Sometimes i scare even myself, and when your a fallen thats very hard to do.

+++Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone+++

Doomsday- 1 of 4

Ok this is the first of the four big ones, there has always been the four, doomsday, judgment, vengeance and absolution. Doomsday. This is the first of the big four rants of my life, the doomsday consorts to the humans in this world i have met. Humans cannot be trusted, whichever way you look at them, i don't care anymore, no matter what they read no matter what they look at humans are not to be believed, ever. I have been a traitor more times than i remember, but iv been turned on more times than i have turned on people, i wish people would know that but im always just a toy, never a person, just summit to use by those God's forsaken humans, well from here on in iv had enough, iv lost to many people that i could actually care about so now i don't care. Iv read every text and know more than most zealots about their own faiths i think they are a joke, not to know the full extent of your own faith is a sin, and i should know being a real Christian, yes, oh gods im religious, i wouldn't tell my friends tho. Well as they say, on that bomb shell i will type in one or two days, stay with me brothers and sisters

+++Through Hell And High Water, My Lance Is Always True To You+++

A Rambling Sense Of Logic

Its been a long while since iv posted, but iv been drawing in experience from actually living my life how i want to and not actually caring what any other person thinks or says to me. I love my job, i love my friends, i love where i live, im just not a huge fan of my own life. I have realised that alot of my old posts have got shite in them that i don't believe and are about people who have treated me like shite, so from here on in i will only look out for me and the few people i actually care about. I still cut myself, quite alot really, but i don't think anything of it.

+++Through The Inferno I Will Walk, Just To Save Your Soul+++

Well Kinda Now Im Back

Ok im back iv been gone for a long time but i can blame that mostly on being unable to access the internet, so what you gunna do... well im all back and good now. Its been a long summer, i can tell you that, iv been and gone through hell and im lucky to still be standing, several mass damages, and one nearly a death note, but im better now, im almost sane, well almost. My view on life has changed alot, my view on humanity has changed alot as well. I love my friends, Tom and Adam have helped me alot, not that they know it, and i wont tell them, were guys we don't talk. I almost think that my heart has started to grow back, i feel so different to when summer started, its like my eyes have been opened, i still feel for someone, but i can never say who as im still unsafe, oh well. More soon, i need sleep. Night all.

+++Hope Is The Weapon Of The Unprepared+++

Im Back.......Well Kinda

The book of love is long and boring

No one can lift the damn thing

It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing

But I

I love it when you read to me

And you

You can read me anything

The book of love has music in it

In fact that's where music comes from

Some of it is just transcendental

Some of it is just really dumb

But I

I love it when you sing to me

And you

You can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring

And written very long ago

It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes

And things we're all too young to know

But I

I love it when you give me things

And you

You ought to give me wedding rings

And I

I love it when you give me things

And you

You ought to give me wedding rings

And I

I love it when you give me things

And you

You ought to give me wedding rings

You ought to give me wedding rings

++With The Heart Comes The Soul, When One Dies So Does The Other++