Iv Finally Figured Out My Dysfunction

Iv done it finally done it, iv finally worked out my complete dysfunction, i know what has made me into a monster so i know parts of my mentality need to be killed off so i will come over as the real person that i want to be seen as and maybe regain my true heart as its because of the loss of her iv have actually searched what is wrong with me instead of just trying to bury any feeling that i think is bad, im so sick of it all, i cannot stand feeling like i want to die every day and that the only way to deal with anything is to destroy myself with any means at my disposal.

The worst thing is that it has taken me a solid four days of drinking myself to death to finally unlock what i truly is inside the dark remnants of my heart and soul, i know what the problem is and i will purge it from me. In the last four days i let my depression get the better of me and i had slipped fully into the depravity of my mind and chose to rape what is left of me. in the last four days i have drunk over two litres of whiskey, a bottle of absinthe, alot of hours in pubs and drinking other peoples beer, but it has actually helped me think for the first time ever instead of not helping at all. This all started in the recent days when i lost my true heart and soul, the girl that i know inside me is my soul-mate, i know what i feel inside, iv been in love before but this time was different, it wasn't just enjoying the company of her, or thinking that she beautiful this time tho i could actually feel myself enjoying who she really was connecting on a deeper level than i have ever willingly gone to before, she could make my heart sore and my soul cry, we matched in such a way that i will not find anywhere but in my dreams. My one aim in life now is to find the way to prove to her that i truly do want to be with her and only her, and i believe that is what i want for the rest of my life long days, that is my crusade, my penance, and my suffrage.

I have been the fool for too long now, and iv had my final tick, from here on in i will never be the bad guy again, it costs two much on me and everyone else who is around me, and the people who i care about the most get hurt too, all i ever wanted to do was make people happy but i don't ever seem too not hurt people, so the buck stops here!

I will never want what i don't have any more or think that im missing out on anything, i think that as people we are made in matching sets completely designed to be with one another. I know that i love her, and i know that its more than just a little fling, this is true Deep-from-the-heart and eternal. She has managed to completely put me under her spell, the tortures that i am racking onto myself are a way of making me suffer physical not just mental pain for the hurt i did to her, my love, the one.

+++The Penitent man knee's as he prays for forgiveness+++